The flusterating™ times of JJSB

Originally Posted: December 6, 2011

So… do any of the rest of you have trouble with basic memory function or is it just little old neurotic me? I swear!  There must be a short somewhere in the melon perched atop my shoulders and possibly even extending to my spinal column. I suppose it will only get worse as I am not about to allow anyone near my head with a scalpel and forceps to investigate the source of the problem.

Instead, we’ll try a little online journal therapy and see if that helps.
To that end, here’s the most recent episode in my journey into exhaustive memory instability:

  I go to TARGET to purchase some important items.  i.e. Thank you notes, “feminine products” and duct tape.  I finish my shopping and go up to the checkout, giddy with the notion that I will be using my Target debit card for the first time and get that crucial 5% discount on my purchase. 

It is TIME TO PAY, so I pull out my card, slide it and the checker said, “Oh… it says ‘not approved'.” 

I   p a u s e    staring at him and thinking, “Oh great, Target didn’t get my card activated properly.  IDIOTS!”  Then I look down and realize that I have just used my “Benny" card which is actually a flexible spending VISA card which can be used only for medical items.  Now, before all of you start chanting “IDIOT!” in joyous unison please take a moment to consider the following information:  The “Benny” card is red just like the Target card so it would be nice if you would give me just a small amount of leeway on this one.  Perhaps instead of designating me as the "Target Dimwit," you may consider allowing me the somewhat more dignified title of "Confused Target Imbecile."   You may also consider the fact that the feminine products (and perhaps even the duct tape) could be considered medically necessary; although I had recently emptied my flexible spending account so I suppose that the medical efficacy of the items is moot... 

I      s-t-a-m-m-m-e-r   something about using the wrong card because they are both red and think to myself, no big deal… I can recover my poise.  I can still curtail this public embarrassment.

I locate the Target card, slide it then hit “cancel” to process as credit. 

The purchase cancels. 

The checker looks confused, not understanding why the purchase has cancelled. 

Sadly, I REPEAT THE SAME PROCESS TWO MORE TIMES.

It suddenly dawns on me that since it is a Target DEBIT card, it cannot be processed as a CREDIT card.  I mutter something to this effect to the checker trying to sound like I'm actually quite intelligent for deducing this fairly obvious fact.  He asks me if I can remember my PIN.   At this point in time, I am at 90% flusteration™ and the only PIN that I can think of is 1234. 

My face REDDENS enough to successfully match the color of the Target card and I reluctantly admit that I can't remember it even as each PIN that I have ever had instantly and magically begins running through my mind in an endless t-r-a-i-n of digits.

NOTE: I had set up the PIN via phone THE NIGHT BEFORE.  This very thought, grating in the back of my mind, brings my flusteration™ up to 95%.  Any chance of regaining any level of clear headed decision making ability in time to complete this purchase is quickly flying out Target's automatic doors.

I STAND THERE for a few seconds (which feels like hours) and then finally the checker says, “Well, I guess you can’t use it then.”

I quickly pull out another debit card, pay with it and then said, “Darn, I don’t get my 5% discount now.”  (At least I’m pretty sure I used the word, “darn.”)

The checker attempts to comfort me with the knowledge that there is a 1-800 number on the card that I can call.  I do not feel comforted.

I slink out of the store, now at FULL flusteration™ and somewhat rankled over losing the $3.50 that represented the 5% savings that I would have received by using the Target card.

The NEXT DAY, I suddenly remember that I set the PIN as the same four digit code as another PIN that I have.  Smart, right?  WRONG!  Unfortunately, along with the aforementioned piece of information, my memory also offers me a choice of two possible PINs that I might have used but won’t tell me which one I ended up going with.

I WAIT A FEW DAYS…   I'm out running errands and I finally give in and call the 1-800 number expecting to have to explain to a customer service rep how big of a fool I am because I can't retain the memory of  a 4 digit number for a mere 18 hours and that I didn’t even bother to make a note of it anywhere..   It turns out that the call is entirely automated.  HURRAY for computers! They rarely judge and when they do it's never quite as harsh as an actual human, not to mention one that is consigned to answering calls from fools at 8:30 in the evening.  The aUt0mat3d v0ic3 that answered my call happened to be full of peace, love and understanding.  (Now we know whatever happened to all those things.)

I     p a t i e n t l y   work my way through the numbered options and when I get to the option where I can change the PIN, I instantly remember the exact number I had chosen in the first place.  No, I’m not kidding.  The number  suddenly came right to my mind.  I could have hung up right then, but I didn’t.  After all I had been through, I just had to plant the flag of victory so I entered the PIN when prompted and changed it to the other number I had considered using in the first place, which of course, I could also remember vividly at this point in time.

I proceed to Target, purchase items with the card, enter the PIN correctly, receive approximately $3.50 in discounts and proudly walk out of the store with my head held high.  

!VICTORY! WAS MINE… at last...    I think...

So, again I ask, do any of the rest of you have trouble with basic memory function?  Do you ever feel like you are on the same journey towards exhaustive memory instability?

If so, please share with me and maybe, just maybe, we can spend some time travelling together on this journey.  That is if we can even recognize one another OR remember our own names.