As every family cook knows, there are myriads of tantalizing recipes available on the internet these days. I mean, seriously, you can throw "stewed turnips" on Google and you'll hit about 388,000 recipes in 0.58 seconds. Granted, some of those hits are nasty, stomach-turning pictures of stewed turnips, but there are plenty of recipes too.
Each of us has our favorite recipe sites and whether it's Mel's Kitchen Cafe (my personal favorite), Budget Byte$ , The Pioneer Woman (personally never got on that bandwagon) or Food Network, there is generally an emphasis on quick meal preparation time in an effort to help ease the burdens of all us time-starved culinarians.
Most sites list the recipe stats as follows:
Prep time, Cook time, Total time, number of servings & level of difficulty.
I always get excited when I see these numbers. Especially after a long, tiring day at work when I don't want to spend the entire evening slaving away in the kitchen only to unveil my masterpiece and have the kids turn their noses up and opt for a nice bowl of cereal instead.
But the excitement never lasts long because I quickly remember that the timing and ease of recipes at my house are far different than what is optimistically displayed on recipe websites.
Here I provide an example to illustrate the difference between typical website recipe stats and recipe reality stats when prepared at my house:
Typical Website Recipe stats:
Prep time - 20 minutes
Cook time - 25 minutes
Total time - 45 minutes
Number of servings - 4
Level - Easy
Recipe Reality stats:
Prep time:
- Empty and load the dishwasher because the sink is full of dishes that were supposed to have already been taken care of by children: 10 minutes
- Futilely search for missing ingredients that you are sure are there but can't seem to find even though you have searched through every cabinet and pantry numerous times: 20 minutes
- Take one last look, once again moving aside multiple bottles of cinnamon and chili powder: 2 minutes
- Growl in frustration: 5 minutes
- Pour first glass of wine and take a sip: 1 minute
- Debate with self whether or not to just give up and fix Craft macaroni & cheese: 5 minutes
- Take second, much longer, sip of wine: 30 seconds
- Rally and perform internet search for possible substitutions of missing ingredients: 5 minutes
- Realize that a few of the substitutions are also not on hand: 30 seconds
- Perform a second tiered search for substitutions for the substitutions that are not on hand: 5 minutes
- Pause and contemplate how many substitutional degrees one can go from the original ingredients without completely ruining the recipe: 1 full minute
- Glance at the clock, once again reconsider macaroni & cheese and then realize that 55 minutes have already been invested into this 20 minute prep time that cannot be for naught: 5 seconds
- Wipe away tears of frustration over the rapidly fading evening: 1 minute
- Look for needed cookware in it's predesignated spot and find only a cutting board and the cover of a food processor: 1 minute
- Take several gulps of wine and refill glass: 1 minute
- Go mining for the needed cookware, blindly groping in the farthest and darkest recesses of cabinets: 2 minutes
- Realize that any hope of finding the needed cookware will require the use of flashlight: 30 seconds
- Take another sip of wine, savor it in mouth for a few seconds and then down it goes: 30 seconds
- Sigh thankfully for cell phones and activate cell phone flashlight: 30 seconds
- Once again delve into the dark cabinets, moving aside various seldom used glassware, pots, pans & strainers only to finally find the needed 14-inch skillet, hidden behind a 1970's model casserole dish and a slightly melted plastic colander in the most remote corner of the bottom cabinet: 5 minutes
- Finish second glass of wine: 1 minute
- Once again glance at the clock, realizing that The Big Bang Theory has long been over and Life in Pieces is half way through the plot line: 30 seconds
- Long sigh of resignation: 5 seconds
- Pull chair close to stove and begin cooking: 30 seconds
- Rinse wine glass, place in sink and begin to drink directly from wine bottle: 20 seconds
Cook time: 25 minutes (Hey! that matches up to the website recipe stats!)
So, if you're keeping track, here are the Recipe Reality stats:
Prep time - 69 minutes
Cook time - 25 minutes
Total time - 114 minutes
Number of servings - 8 (because you doubled the recipe so you would be sure to have enough for everyone even though half of your family won't even touch what you have made)
Level - Physically easy. Mentally excruciating.
Now... time for cleanup prior to dropping into bed.
