TIPS FOR FATHERS OF TEENAGE DAUGHTERS: TIP #2

Tip#2: If you have dogs, begin training your daughters as young as possible, to shut their bathroom doors. 

The sooner they learn this habit, the better. 

You'll thank me later. 

Do you know why? 

Because dogs like pads. 

And I'm not talking about pads of paper or bachelor pads or pad thai.  Although,  I'm sure there are dogs that enjoy those things as well.

But no, I'm talking about those special pads for that special time of the month.  You know, that special time of the month that seems to be pretty much ALL month if you have three or more young women in your household.    

Yeah, those pads.

Dogs LOVE those things.

Now remember, dogs are not humans.  They don't prefer items that are new.  Instead, they prefer used.  From a dog's perspective, everything from socks to facial tissues are better in a used condition.  The same is true of pads.   When you bring pads home from the store and put them away in the cabinet, you're relatively safe.  However,  once they have been utilized and placed in a trash receptacle, they have been activated and you must limit access to only humans.  If your dog should somehow gain access to the trash, you will arrive home to find ripped up pieces of "seasoned" pad strewn all over your home.  To limit the number of these traumatic experiences, you MUST train your daughters (and sons) to keep the bathroom doors closed. NOW! 

Oh, and if you happen to arrive home while your dog is savoring a pad, good luck getting it away from him/her. Your dog will fight for that pad like it's the last piece of possum pie at an Arkansas family reunion. In this situation, it's best to do as cousin Eddie once instructed and, "... just to let him finish".  Oh, and the dog will not finish with you watching, so you'll need to leave the room and come back in 30 minutes or so.  Upon your return, you will find the "processed" pad distributed evenly around the room waiting to be painstakingly extricated from the carpet. (Dogs generally like to partake of their pads on the carpet.  I don't know why). 

At this time, you can opt for having one of your daughters clean up the mess but if so, be prepared for it to result in 75 - 80% completion, after which, you will then be left alone to complete the cleaning process yourself.  This will involve the retrieval of many minute traces of sullied, dog saliva covered pad material. 

So, again, KEEP THE BATHROOM DOORS SHUT!

TIPS FOR FATHERS OF TEENAGE DAUGHTERS: TIP #1

A while back, I put together some tips for fathers of teenage daughters.

I feel like JJSB Broadcast is where they belong.  I have, of course, included the resulting Facebook comments for full enjoyment.

Tip #1: Don't panic when your clothes mysteriously begin disappearing from you closet. 

This is a normal phenomenon when one or more teenage daughters reside in your home. 

Instead of panicking, calmly ask each of your daughters if she has seen the article of clothing.

You will most likely be told, "No".

If so, patiently wait for the item of clothing to magically appear in a pile of dirty laundry, often with the lingering scent of perfume, and proceed to wash and dry appropriately.

DO NOT carry the item around with you displaying it to each daughter in order to investigate further how the item came to disappear in the first place.  This will result in further denials and will serve only to notify your daughter(s) that the item is now "back in play"  

Instead, if at all possible, hide the article of clothing behind or under another piece of clothing that one (or more) of your daughters has previously categorized as hideous. 

Oh, and one more thing, kiss your socks goodbye and plan on buying a new pack every couple of months or so.  

You can try to prevent the "soxodus" by purchasing ugly socks that your daughter(s) would never wear in a million years.  However, when

 these socks are placed into your sock drawer, a mystical process takes place and they are transformed into the most highly coveted, female, teenage foot coverings to have ever existed. 

I find that, for the sake of one's sanity, it is best not to attempt to comprehend this magic but instead to continue to purchase 10 times more socks than you actually need in the hope that you can retain 3-4 pairs for your own use over the span of a month.

Morning Shower, Evening Shower or Hourly Sponge Baths?

Okay, are you ready?   ARE YOU?  Here is the question of the week?  I know, I know.  I didn’t pose a question last week and most likely will not pose one next week but I have one THIS week so shut up and read before I stop posing questions (and start posing nude).

But, as usual, I digress.  Let’s being again…

Here is the question of the week:  What time of day do you normally shower? 

No, I’m not asking because I have plans to install surveillance equipment in your water closet. (That’s slated for next year)  No, I’m just asking because I’m wondering what time of day most people prefer to take showers.

To be clear, I’m not including those times when you’re running, playing basketball, doing Pilates, vigorously picking your nose (or other regions), etc.   Obviously, in those cases you will shower no matter what time of day it is.  At least I hope you will.  PLEASE do.

Instead, I’m referring to the time of day that you customarily prefer to take a shower. 

Maybe you’re one of those run-of-the-mill morning showerererers. (sorry, I wasn’t sure where to stop with the “ers”)  I used to be one of you.  I used to stumble out of  bed to enjoy a nice warm shower to wake up and mentally prepare for my day.  Guess what?  I was WRONG!  And if you’re doing that, then SO ARE YOU.

Okay, I know that not everyone is the same, so maybe a morning shower does, in fact, do the trick for some; nevertheless, I believe that a shower before bed is more advantageous and here are a few reasons why.

1.  Studies show that taking a warm shower in the evening causes your body to prepare for sleep mode.  When you take a warm shower, your body temp rises.  When you exit the shower, your body temp drops which prepares the body for sleep.  Below is a link to a short article that refers to this physiological process.  

http://sleepjunkies.com/tips/warm-shower-helps-you-sleep-better/

Note that the body is said to produce melatonin when it cools.  Yup, that’s the hormone supplement that every Tom, Dick and Harriet seem to be taking right now to aid in what?  That's right: Sleep.  So, if taking a warm shower in the evening causes your body to prepare for sleep, guess what taking a warm shower in the morning does?  THE SAME THING!  You’re putting yourselves to sleep people, at the exact time you’re supposed to be putting yourself  awake.  Stop it!  NOW!

               

2. Your bed is your "nest".  Yes, we're all like little birds, bears, etc.  A few of us (you) are even like rats.  We like to have a little comfortable place to bed down for the night, we like it to be clean and therefore, we are most content and comfortable when we bring our clean selves into our "nest".  Yup, even you rats.  I did a quick search and found a few different articles that refer to the importance of cleanliness and sense perception while sleeping.  Here is one short article that speaks of a proper sleep environment.  It doesn't speak specifically of showering before bedtime, but does speak of the importance of comfort and cleanliness as related to getting a good nights sleep.  

Make Your Bed for Better Sleep

3. Sleep is a time of mental, physical and emotional regeneration.  I referred to the physical aspect of cleanliness above, but there is also a mental aspect.  I believe that a key to regeneration is cleanliness and organization.  When you take a shower, you get your outside clean, and in doing so, you feel more clean inwardly.  This allows you to start your regenerating sleep time with a feeling of "starting over".  

So there you have it.  Those are just a few reasons why night showering is the way to go.
Maybe some of you have a different opinion (a.k.a. an incorrect opinion). If so, I'd certainly enjoy hearing them.  

Maybe some of you go kitty style and prefer to lick yourselves clean several times a day. 
Maybe some of you opt for a once per week shower/bath and just slather yourself with massive quantities of deodorant and body spray in between. 
Maybe one of you has a "close" friend who is willing to administer gentle but loving hourly sponge baths. 
Whatever the case may be, please let me know you're preferred time of day for bathing and why.  If you don't, I'll just have to make assumptions and you know that won't be pretty.