TIPS FOR FATHERS OF TEENAGE DAUGHTERS: TIP #3

Tip#3: If you have teenage daughters forget everything you know about bathroom etiquette because, quite frankly, everything you know is wrong. 

 Traditional bathroom etiquette dictates that upon finding a bathroom door closed, particularly if a light can be seen emitting out from below the door, one should knock to find out if the bathroom is already occupied; However, if you have teenage daughters and one of them is in the bathroom, this act is seen as a serious encroachment of her lavatory rights. If, at any time, you walk up to the closed door of a bathroom occupied by one of your teenage daughters and knock, you will be notified quite loudly and abrasively, "DADuh! I'M IN HERE!". The content of this response would actually be quite reasonable if it weren't issued forth in the high pitched wail of a banshee on a quest to devour your soul. If you have a momentary lapse in judgement and find yourself in this situation, it's best just to slowly back away from the door and find a hidden corner where you can wait it out until it feels safe to seek adequate amenities in another part of the house. 

 Conversely, if you are doing your business (#1, #2 or a combination thereof) with the door closed and your teenage daughter "needs" something from the bathroom, the above mentioned bathroom etiquette will be completely eclipsed by this "need."  Therefore, she will disregard knocking and will enter the room swiftly and with purpose. She may or may not register your presence.  If she does, she will likely utter a half hearted "Sorry," but please realize that this is just a formality and will not impede the retrieval of the hair straightener, eye shadow, body spray, eyelash curler, etc. that she so desperately needs right that instant. Please note that locking the door can be somewhat effective as a deterrent but will not necessarily prevent the daughter from gaining access as the level of urgency will most likely warrant obtaining a paper clip or some similar item with which the locking mechanism can be disabled. If your teenage daughter does enter a bathroom that you are already utilizing, it would be pointless to utter objections. It is, however, acceptable to utter a deep sigh and mutter some contrary words under your breath regarding not even being able to go to the bathroom in peace in your own home.